“One day you may kiss a man you can’t breathe without, and find breath is of little consequence” – JZB
It all started with Jericho Barrons. I woke up yesterday morning deciding to write a blog post about casting him for any movie version of the Fever series. Research was necessary. Two hours later, after trolling numerous forums and doing dozens of image searches, I realized that there was actually no male in existence who could satisfactorily bring him too life.
But that didn’t make for much of a blog post, so with a sigh, I decided to go to my site with the intention of logging in and staring at a blank post until inspiration hit.
When I clicked the bookmark for my page, I was expecting to see this:
Instead I found this:
Yes, lovely readers, I’d been hacked!
My first thought?
“No, God. No! OMG! This didn’t just happen.” refresh refresh refresh empty cache refresh try to log onto hosting site have passwords denied phone designer/webmaster goddess in panic hyperventilate hit refresh once more
“You bleeping bleeper! Why the bleep did you bleeping have to bleeping hack my bleeping site? Bleep bleep bleep! Do you think I give a bleep that I was “hacked from your bleeping heart?” Does your bleeping ass cheesy graphic look remotely like my beautiful landing page? Yeah, you can hack but your design sense is bleep. And you – bleeping host site who doesn’t return my desperately entered ticket? BLEEEEEEP”
“Okay. As long as nothing else has been compromised, I won’t have an aneurism. Twitter? Check. Okay. FB? Check. Okay. Various book channel description pages? Check. Okay. All my site related passwords possibly compromised? Okay, changing everything. Please don’t let me have been spamming people with porn.”
“Host site – just contact me and I won’t be mad. I won’t panic. (waits 1 hr) Okay. Host site – just contact me and I won’t be mad. I won’t panic. (waits 2 hrs) (waits 3 hrs) (waits 4 hrs) (still waiting)”
peer at screen
“Maybe I can just hit refresh?”
“This is pointless. I bet the hacker read my books. Hated them so much that he/she had to target me. It’s a wake up call to a reality check.”
hit refresh tween child lately full of attitude gives me her last two chocolates and pats me on head
“I have become pathetic to child as well.”
slink off to eat giant bowl of ramen
slink back high on MSG hit refresh
“It’s a pity hack. I suck. Pity party, no guests, no catering. Even my pity parties suck.”
realize I have massive NetGalley email about book going out next morning and if people go to my site it will be bad
crack open bottle of wine
“Whoo! Screw the hacker! I am going to come back better and stronger than ever!”
slug back more wine
“I need a soundtrack!”
create “survivor” playlist get stuck after adding “I Will Survive” and “Survivor” throw on “Eye of the Tiger” play 3 songs on loop and dance in kitchen singing empowerment lyrics which don’t always make sense but seem to be phonetically correct
see pen get brilliant idea for new story about evil hacker scribble madly
insert missing chunk of time …
loud noise crack eye painfully take minute to figure out surroundings realize husband and child apparently had left house because are now returning with take out
squint at paper bunched in hand unidentifiable scrawl “hacker” unidentifiable scrawl “volcano” scrawl scrawl “drawing of bird taking a poo with giant leaves coming out of head” peer closer have vague recollection of pencil sketch masterpiece of phoenix rising from flames
husband sits me at laptop with sigh and helps me fix index files
landing page back
host site restores blog
realize I have my blog post and start typing …
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